Personal

There are just so many things that are stuffing up at the moment. Things getting lost, things just not going to plan, it’s hard keeping track of it all. I’ve been getting virtually no sleep in the past couple of weeks thanks in no small part to the air mattress I’ve been using at night. It’s something I should have gotten rid of a long time ago because every time I move it makes a god awful rumbling plastic squealchy sound (Ed: pfft, nice explanation mate) that is freaking loud! I can’t understand where all the sound comes from. Anyway, if I move during my sleep I’m woken up, guaranteed. ...

Yay! Well, it might not be quite that day over here but it is in Australia anyway and that’s pretty much what counts for me. So what will I be doing? NOTHING! Actually, I’m going to celebrate by having lunch down at South Beach and then maybe I’m going to go do some shopping or something. Of course, I’ll be having the typical Wednesday night happy hour drinks at the Davie Ale House so I’m looking forward to that too. Yay!

I must admit, I didn’t know much about Lil Jon until I saw Dave Chapelle do a skit about him on his show. That was a couple of months ago now, and it’s weird to find that I’m actually seeking out Lil Jon’s music just so I can hear him say “What?”, “OK!”, “Yeah!” in his or other people’s songs. It’s awesome. And yeah, my family has been getting an earful of it while they’ve been over here. You hear A LOT of him being played on the radio… partially because the rap/hip-hop/rnb stations here like to repeat a lot of the same music… partially because he’s an East side artist. You could imagine my joy when I found this soundboard. The samples are of Dave Chapelle impersonating Lil Jon, but it’s still cool.

To all the people who were going to enchanted this year back in good ol’ SA: I HOPE YOU HAD FUN!!! I really wish I could have made it. Unfortunately, due to circumstances out of my control I couldn’t be back at this time. Nav, CJB, Ben, I spammed all your phones and Nav I left return phone numbers (the 75225533 number was “PKCALLED”, the other number was my real number here in the US). I couldn’t call from my Australian mobile phone as my family were using it in New York. ...

I’m completely cracking myself up at the moment. I just found a really cool synth sound that reminded me of Van Halen’s “Jump”, and I played along with the song for at least 1/2 hour. Cool. What’s cracking me up even more is the South Park episode that’s on TV at the moment. Paris Hilton has opened a whore store in South Park, and the writers are taking the piss out of Paris really well. It is one of the funniest episodes I’ve ever seen. One really bad/sad thing I noticed during one of the breaks in South Park though - an advert for an electric jar opener. What are us guys going to do now? Our job is to open jars. Men are slowly being replaced by machines. I feel lost.

it’s about 23C outside, nice and sunny but I also happened to notice the smog hanging about, and then the number of SUVs around with only one person driving. Which bothers me a little. I used to car pool a lot when working back in Adelaide. So if it’s one thing I’ve noticed while I’ve been over here, it’s how incredibly wasteful American society is. It’s just downright amazing. The number of SUVs is just the tip of the iceberg. The fact that I’m not even given the option of recycling paper and cardboard at my apartment is another ice crystal in that massive iceberg. ...

I’ve mentioned “the player” on this site before, and through discussions I’ve had with him recently we may as well be from different universes. First a background profile on “the player”. He got divorced about a year ago after a 7 year marriage. He has 2 kids, aged 5 and 7 years old. He’s in his early 30s. “The player” for the past year has constantly dated women. He has a problem with being alone (as in, not dating) for more than 2 weeks at a time. He has no problem with dating more than one woman at a time, but he will will be honest with his date and tell them he is dating another woman if they ask (and if that is the case). His thoughts on dating are that it’s ok to date more than one girl at once, so long as you are honest with them. Furthermore, he says his time is mostly spent on thinking about dating women, and he is completely and utterly absorbed in experimenting with chatting up women and finding that recipe of words that will make them his. He seems pretty confident that he’s nailed most of that, and seems certain that for any given night he will pick some girl up. He also has no fear of being rejected, which would obviously help. ...

On Tuesday night I got to see another Miami Heat game. They lost again, and I’m beginning to think I’m some sort of jinx or something because at every sports game I’ve attended, the team I’ve been barracking for has lost. Heat went down to the Raptors 92-94. That was a pretty damn close game and the whole stadium was electric. Everybody was standing up and making a huge noise, and Heat nearly did win the game - a shot from the three point line in the last second hit the basketball rim. ...

This post is already a little weird from the headline, but I was a little apprehensive when I walked into a barber yesterday to get a haircut. My view of the US and haircuts was not a good one. I don’t know where I got that perception from, but it’s been stuck in my mind for ages. The barber spoke very little English and I was trying to tell them step by step how to cut my hair, because it seemed the Spanish-speaking barber didn’t understand “one-inch off the whole way round”. Anyway, I finished with the ordeal and walked outside. I put my hand on the back of my neck and felt something weird… something I hadn’t felt since the 80’s. Something that I thought I’d put behind me a long time ago. I had a mullet. I looked at the reflection in the barber shop window and saw a redneck. I had an urge to smash my front teeth out and buy a check shirt and braces and call myself “Cletus”. I fought the urge, raced back inside the barber shop and said “This won’t do!” and got that mullet removed. Thank God for that.

Ok, let me try and sum up the Bahamas in a few short points: - The most rubbish lying around I’ve ever seen. - The most run-down places I’ve ever seen. - The clearest water I’ve ever seen. - The most stray dogs I’ve ever seen. - The most pot-holes in roads I’ve ever seen. - Surprisingly expensive. Actually, that summary only applies the New Providence and Paradise islands. I have approximately 700 more islands to visit to get a real feel for the Bahamas. ...